


18th Day of Winter - Festivus for the Rest of Us

by unjaundiced



Series: Winter Spirits [22]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 25 Days of Christmas, 25 Days of Fic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, Gen, Holiday, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5420897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all festivals have to be outdoors and not all elves are really jolly.<br/>Set the year after <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5412971">Santa's Babies</a>. They're 16 and 17. Minato/Kushina 25.</p>
            </blockquote>





	18th Day of Winter - Festivus for the Rest of Us

"This is a _great_ idea,” Nanori commented as she arranged a series of poinsettia plants around a giant nutcracker. Tsunade, helping Jiraiya move a huge teddy bear holding a drum, grunted in response, her “I am the Grinch” green holiday hat crammed low on her head.  
  
"I don't know how you got Sarutobi-shachou to agree to having a _train_ run through the hospital,” she grumbled, darting away from the bear in case it decided to fall. The bear leaned on Jiraiya, burying his face, and he flailed, wrapping his arms around the huge thing and trying to push it back up. Tsunade gave an aggravated sigh and went to help him again.  
  
"It wasn't that hard. You know he loves to see the children happy.” Nanori strung some tinsel on the edge of the receptionist's station, now disguised as the Polar Express Depot. A small mechanical elf stood on a mock snow-covered wall and waved.  
  
"The old man should love to see _me_ happy,” Jiraiya groaned, cracking his back. “Oh my poor bones.”  
  
"That's because you're old,” Tsunade needled, poking him with a giant candy cane.  
  
"How many times do I have to say it? We're the same _age!_ ” Jiraiya slapped the candy cane aside and poked her back with a giant candy bar. “What?” He frowned, looking down as she ignored him and held out a curly white beard. “No. Ooooh no, I am _not_ doing that. You find someone else!”  
  
  
"I can't believe I'm doing this,” Jiraiya grumbled, strapping a pillow to his trim waist. “This? This is ridiculous. This should be you.” He pointed at his cousin. Sakumo just looked amused.  
  
"You're the jolly one,” the neurologist commented, holding the red fuzzy coat open. “That and your shoulders are far wider than mine. These kids can spot a fake from a mile away and an ill-fitting coat would be a dead giveaway.”  
  
"Gods curse me and my magnificently manly shoulders,” Jiraiya complained. His cousin snorted and shook his head.  
  
"Don't let those trashy books you write get to your head.” Sakumo paused and poked Jiraiya on his forehead when the man began to leer. “And I mean this one.”  
  
"That is not a comment good little boys should make. You'll get coal this year, I promise you that!” Wide-manly-shouldered Santa frowned through his beard and adjusted his belly through his coat.  
  
"Oh good. I need coal for the hibachi,” Sakumo grinned cheekily. The clicking of toenails on tile made him pause and his smile grew wider. “Good timing. It looks as if your reindeer and elves have arrived.”  
  
There was a brief knock before door to the office swung open. Kakashi slouched lazily in the doorway wearing an all-black ensemble. Attached to leashes in front of him were a motley pack of dogs and foxes, attached to the heads of the dogs and foxes were small plush antlers with bells on their soft tines. Santa gaped.  
  
"Yo.” Kakashi saluted. Pakkun was in his usual place on the teen's shoulder, hind legs braced in the hood of Kakashi's jacket. He looked mad. His antlers settled in on his forehead wrinkles, exaggerating his brow line to an angry scowl. Kakashi pointed to him. “I brought Krampus too.”  
  
"Kakashi-kun, why are you wearing that? And where is Iruka-kun?” Sakumo shook his head and reached out to take some of the leashes from the boy. The dogs danced around his legs in excitement, their antler bells tinkling in a mad cacophony.  
  
"Mah, I'm a ninja elf. I enter homes devoid of Christmas cheer or electricity and leave them crap they don't want like more socks and pencils with Pokemon-shaped erasers. This is my helper, Krampus. He deals a Christmas beating upon all those who are on the naughty list.” Kakashi droned, pausing when his mobile phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and Sakumo rolled his eyes at the _Icha Icha_ decoration hanging down next to the dolphin-shaped bell.  
  
"You're the one Krampus will be beating,” Iruka grumbled, appearing in the doorway. “I can't believe you're going to display that _travesty_ in front of the children! And _also_ ... How could you leave me after you told all those kids Santa-san doesn't exist! What is _wrong_ with you!”  
  
"Are you saying you still believe in that farce? Well today's your lucky day,” Kakashi pointed at manly-shouldered Santa. “Here he is! Or one of his incarnations at least. Guy must be a ninja or a yakuza if he has so many look-alikes. Maybe we should all be asking why the man needs so many body doubles? What is he hiding and how _does_ he get around the world in 24 hours _and_ afford all the presents he gives away? This demands an investigation! Hatake-tantei, we need you! Right away, Captain!”  
  
Kakashi slunk out of the room, waving offhandedly. “Sorry, off to save the world from the evils of all Santas. I'll come back for _you_ later.” He pointed at broad-shouldered Santa and disappeared around the corner.  
  
"I _don't_ think so!” Iruka shouted, charging down the hall after him.  
  
"Why?” Jiraiya mumbled dazedly, pulling down the beard. “Why do you always think it's a good idea to involve him?”  
  
Sakumo set to untangling the dogsled traces and ignored the question.  
  
  
" _Smile._ ” Iruka ordered through gritted teeth, handing a plush rabbit to a little girl in a wheelchair. Kakashi pouted.  
  
"No.” Kakashi expressionlessly held out his stocking full of candy, not bothering to actually hand any out. His new black jumper with _dogs in hats_ knitted on it was blinking.  
  
" _Smile, damn you. ”_ Iruka growled as Kakashi continued to ignore him and went so far as to pull his Who-ville spiral holiday hat lower over his ears.  
  
"Iruka-kun?” Izumo looked at Iruka curiously, stepping out of the way as one of “Santa's reindeer” pranced over and tried to lick him. Santa sat on the sleigh attached to the train—really, either Konoha University Hospital staff hadn't read proper documentation on Santa's preferred mode of travel or those little dog-like reindeer of his were outsourcing and he just wasn't paying attention to it.  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing.” The pony-tailed teen huffed. Elf-Gai, on loan from the mall, leapt by in a shower of snowflake confetti. The housekeeping staff was going to _love_ that.  
  
"My Glorious Elven Compatriot! Let us be the vanguard of the Christmas spirit!” Gai shouted, laughing almost maniacally as he hoisted a boy with crutches onto the Polar Express train. Santa started to protest when the boy landed on his lap. He _really_ wasn't sure the train could actually carry all the kids Gai kept sticking in it and keep moving.  
  
One of the fox-reindeer climbed on Santa's knee and sniffed the boy's face. The child giggled and pet the animal. “Santa-san,” he asked. “How come Akai-chan is helping you? Where are your reindeer?”  
  
Santa floundered. Damn kids always asked difficult questions.  
  
"Mah, that's because—”  
  
"Because Santa-san's reindeer are very busy right now so we're helping him out! Isn't that nice?” Iruka cut Kakashi off, bumping him out of the way with a broad smile. The little boy smiled back.  
  
"Tch. _Santa-san_ will leave you coal for that,” Kakashi muttered, fiddling with his jumper, still trying to figure out how to turn off the flashing lights and and damning Rin for her weird fashion choices. All the elves were wearing stupid holiday sweaters and weird hats she had brought in. He had never felt so distinctly uncool in his life—at least not since a few days ago.  
  
Ibiki, towering over a group of children and trying to get them to take candy canes, turned to him and commented that being a Scrooge meant worse things than coal for Christmas. Kakashi ignored him and dumped the rest of his candy in the lap of a surprised grandmother, completely over the whole thing.  
  
Kakashi turned around and there was a full stocking in his face. He frowned.  
  
" _Smile._ ” Iruka commanded, pushing the stocking forward. Kakashi grimaced.  
  
" _Smile_ or Ibiki finds out what _really_ happened to your eye,” the brunet continued, smiling sweetly.  
  
Kakashi's lip curled and he yanked up his scarf, snatching the stocking from Iruka and slinking away.  
  
"Ahahaha, _whipped_ ,” Asuma sang under his breath. Kurenai slapped him. “Ouch!”

* * *

  
  
**OMAKE**

  
Taking a mid-week day trip to the muddy wet fields of Shikoku was not Kakashi's preferred way of spending his time so when Iruka suggested they go there _just_ so Naruto could see a town with the same name as himself, Kakashi immediately countered with a suggestion to make it a weekend trip to Hokkaido instead. He thought he could stay inside a nice warm tea house and indulge in some reading. Iruka and Minato and Kushina and Naruto could play in the snow, be cold, get tired of being cold, then want to go home and all without him having to do a thing. It was a perfect plan.  
  
Well it _was_ perfect, that is, until Iruka saw the open snowfields and remembered his and Kushina's snowman trick from a decade prior and decided to start a snow fight.  
  
It had started innocently enough with Iruka shoving a handful of snow down Kakashi's jacket and had quickly escalated into an all-out war that reached a stalemate: Kushina and Iruka stationed behind spare trees versus Minato, Kakashi, and Naruto crouched behind a coal cart for cover, Minato laughing and trying to keep Naruto from running out with a fistful of snow to do battle— Then the coal cart moved as someone activated the mechanical delivery system concealed by a layer of snow. That's when their enemies attacked. Kushina came from the left with a roar—flinging snow using a shovel she had found somewhere—Iruka from the right with deadly snowballs he pelted at Kakashi.  
  
And then one struck Kakashi in the face and he fell. Iruka and Kushina worriedly tried to pry his hands away from his face as he clutched his left eye and swore under his breath, Minato holding his hands over Naruto's ears.  
  
Kakashi was distinctly unamused at the amount of bruising he had to cover up with _makeup_ of all things.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Livejournal in 2011 as part of the annual 12 or 25 Days of Christmas challenge. The story takes place by years and utilises Japanese honourifics as a necessity. I tried to use canonical names wherever possible and created original character names as needed.
> 
> Due to the conditions at the time, the writing is a bit clunky but will largely remain unedited.


End file.
